


Heat

by casey2y5



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Demisexual Castiel, M/M, Miscommunication, Theater AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-17 11:27:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3527630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casey2y5/pseuds/casey2y5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has never been good at letting people in, telling them what he needs. He's content though, in the corner of the world he's built himself. Kevin is an unexpected addition who gets inside his head, arguably more than he should.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel was, as a rule, wary of new people. They threw off the dynamic that they had so carefully constructed. He didn’t mind change per say but was less than excited about anything that may negatively impact his professional life. The new costume assistant, Kevin, seemed competent enough in rehearsals but he was so shy and jumpy Cas  was fully expecting him to choke should something go wrong during a performance. He didn’t have the time to worry about other people’s competency. He supposed he should trust Chuck and Gadreel’s judgment when it came to new hires.

Cas was doing his best to block out the chaos around him, the palpable change that came about every night, but his deep breathing exercises were as ineffective as ever. Dean was cursing his wig as per usual, Samandriel doing what he could to help. Gadreel had been flitting between the dressing rooms and wings triple checking that everything was set until Samandriel grabbed him and  kissed him calm, forcing him into a chair. He could hear Charlie and Jo arguing about shoes through the thin walls. He eventually made his way into the green room, flopping onto the battered couch.

“Kevin!” Jo called out.

Apparently the great shoe debacle needed another opinion. Jo stuck her head out, hair half in curlers, half pinned up. Kevin came over, looking a bit like a deer in the headlights. Cas had found himself in the exact same situation more than once and he’d feel bad for him if it wasn’t for the relief at being spared. Jo yanked him in, door slamming shut.

“Dear Lord, it’s like a sex torture dungeon in here,” Kevin said, voice barely floating through.

Cas burst out laughing, earning himself a few raised eyebrows. He’d long accepted his sense of humor wasn’t exactly considered typical but he quickly stifled his laughter anyway.

Dean’s foot caught the hem of Charlie’s dress halfway through the second song, with a rip loud enough even Gadreel flinched. Kevin was already waiting for her, even as Gadreel was asking for the spare to be brought over. His fingers flew against the rip-silver glint of the needle barely visible in the dark.

The repair wasn’t flawless of course- Cas could see the hurried stitching when he was dancing with her but you wouldn’t be able to tell from the audience. He was so distracted by thoughts of what Kevin could do with a sewing machine if he actually had time, he didn’t notice he was running on autopilot until the swell of music broke through and he realized he was supposed to be singing.

When he shuffled offstage four minutes later his cheeks were aflame with embarrassment. Gadreel, to his immense credit, didn’t say anything, just raised an eyebrow at him, silently asking what his problem was. Cas found his usual corner, where he went when he needed to refocus his energy doing a show. It didn’t happen as often as it used to but it was often enough he barely managed to stifle a scream when he nearly sat on someone occupying his space. His eyes were still adjusting but he could make out the shape of a person clutching a sketchbook.

“Sorry,” Cas whispered, “There’s usually no one here.”

“No, it’s my fault. I didn’t realize this was your spot,” Kevin said.

Cas hesitated for a second, trying to think of  a reason to make Kevin move that wouldn’t make him seem like a complete dick. Distraction was the last thing he needed right now.

“Stay. Just, uh, move over. What are you working on?”

“Trying to figure out a way to reinforce Charlie’s hem so it won’t rip the next time Dean steps on it.”

Cas didn’t say anything in response, just tilted his head down and tried to figure out a good breathing pattern to get his head back in the game. Kevin being close enough for Cas to feel his body heat didn’t help. He was half hoping the silence would be enough for Kevin to go elsewhere.

“So we usually go for drinks or something after the show and you’re than welcome to come.I mean, if you didn’t have other plans,” Cas said.

“Yeah. Jo invited me when they dragged me into the dressing room earlier. I’ll, uh, I’ll be there.”

Oddly enough, when Cas went back onstage he felt more focused than any amount of breathing exercises had ever allowed.

*****

There were some nights Cas was really, really glad to see the outside of the theater. It hadn’t been a disaster, hadn’t broken the top ten worst performances they’d put on since they’d opened but it had still been rough enough Cas knew Gadreel would be doing shots as soon as he got to the bar. Cas knew he was at least partially responsible for the sheer number of near disasters, distraction loud in his mind.

Dean was already there, beer in hand with another waiting at his elbow for Cas by the time he arrived. He slid into the booth, scratching at the remains of his makeup. He took a long swing of his drink and ignored the temptation to sink into Dean’s side. Dean pulled him in anyway, running his fingers through Cas’s hair, separating some of the strands.

“What’s up with you?” Dean asked after a minute.

“I just, you know the new guy? Kevin?”

“You can’t possibly have a problem with the guy already. It was his first show and he kicked ass, especially the thing with Charlie’s dress.”

“What about my dress?” Charlie said, sliding in on Dean’s other side, Jo sliding in next to her.

“Trying to figure out what Cas’ problem with the new guy is.”

Cas felt himself blush, knowing it was visible.

“Cas,” Dean said slowly, pushing him away so he could look at him. “You don’t have a problem with the new guy do you?”

“Our little angel is growing up,” Charlie cooed.

He was spared from answering by Gadreel and Samandriel’s arrival, Kevin not far behind. Gadreel ushered him in first. Samandriel had to tug Gadreel into the booth after he sat their drinks down. He pressed a kiss to Gadreel’s shoulder, coaxing him to look down at him. Cas forced himself to look away, feeling like he was intruding on a private moment. Kevin was against his side, trying his hardest to maintain an acceptable distance between them while trying to get as far away as possible from the couple.

“We aren’t staying long. Someone is cranky,” Samandriel said.

Gadreel had a casual arm draped around him and squeezed his shoulder. Kevin moved even closer to Cas and Dean kept his elbow low, jabbing Cas in the ribs every time he tried to scoot over. Cas glared and Dean looked away, picking at the label on his beer bottle.

“Kevin, good job with Charlie’s dress,” Gadreel said. “First night and all.”

“Thanks. It wasn’t anything really.”

“You’ve never had to get in and out of that damn thing,” Charlie said.

Kevin looked down at his drink, sheepish. Cas hesitated a moment before reaching out and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“You showed a remarkable proclivity for understanding our needs,” Cas said.

Kevin looked at him, alarm visible.

“That’s Cas for he’s impressed,” Dean explained.

Things seemed to go back to normal after that, though  with a few more rounds of ‘tease the new guy’ thrown in than usual. Cas was still aware of Kevin’s every movement and forced himself to not press closer to Dean. Samandriel and Gadreel excused themselves after Gadreel’s fourth mojito, or rather Samandriel nudged him down the bench until he stopped staring at the bottom of his glass.

“We should get home before he starts sulking,” Samandriel said wrapping an arm around Gadreel’s waist.

“Are you good to drive, Dean?” Charlie asked, hand on his arm.

“Jo should, probably.”

Jo rolled her eyes, intertwining her fingers with Charlie’s, making sure Dean was following them.

“Cas?” Jo asked.

“I’ll get it. Don’t worry.”

Charlie shot him a grin and raised her eyebrows suggestively. Cas realized that this was a set-up. He sunk down in the booth, cursing himself for not realizing it sooner. He watched them leave, cursing himself and them.

“So, uh,” Kevin stuttered.

“I’m just going to finish this. You don’t have to wait. I’m aware of my,” Cas hesitated. “Shortcomings.”

“Like assuming people don’t want to get to know you?”

“Like that, yes.”

Kevin was fiddling with his near empty glass, pushing it back and forth on the table. His nose crinkled in distaste as he took the last drink out of it. Kevin glanced over at Cas before bursting out laughing .

"What's so funny?" Cas blinked slowly, head tilted, eyes squinting as if the light was particularly bright.

"You're so serious about everything. It's honestly endearing."

"I just," Cas hesitated. "If you don't enjoy that particular beverage then why did you order it?"

"Wasn't particularly well mixed."

"I don't normally bother with mixed drinks. I'm not sure I'd be able to tell the difference."

Kevin was looking at him with wide eyes and Cas felt his next words catch in his throat. This would be the nail that ended the relationship before it ever started.

"I'm going to have to be blunt with you, aren't I?"

"It generally helps reduce confusion, yes." Cas bit the inside of his cheek.

"Do you have personal relationships with co-workers?" Kevin asked, catching his eye. "Of, well, not a platonic nature?"

"I never have, but I have no objection to the concept."

"Good. And you're into the whole relationship thing? With guys?"

"Very much so, yes."

"Do you want to take me home?"

"Only if your place is  farther than mine."

Kevin laughed at that and Cas ducked his head.

"Let's go then," Kevin said.

Cas paid the tab and watched Kevin shrug into his coat, the muscles in his back straining. He was fascinated by the movement and clenched his fist to keep from reaching out. He held the door, leaning forward against the wind. Kevin reached out fumbling for Cas' hand and he jerked way.

"Sorry," Kevin muttered, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "If you don't want to do this, I can grab a cab. No harm, no foul."

"I want this. I'm just not used to initiating touch."

Cas stretched an arm out, feeling a bit foolish, but Kevin slid underneath it, pressing close to the warmth and shelter from the wind. His fingers closed around Kevin's shoulder, pulling him closer.

"Then I'll just let you make the first move," Kevin said.

"Thank you.."

"Although let's move it. It's freezing out here."

"I can't disagree with that. "

They hurried along the street. Kevin nearly fell when Cas tugged them to a stop in front of his building.

"I apologize in advance for the mess. Things have the tendency to get a bit disorganized mid-week."

"Cas, I promise I am not here to judge your housekeeping skills."

"I'm glad. You would be profoundly disappointed."

"Was that a joke?"

Cas didn't answer, settling for ushering Kevin in the door, making sure the security lock clicked behind them. They shuffled awkwardly in the elevator, trading glances but unwilling to start anything with only five floors to go up. Cas rubbed the back of his neck,  feeling where the hair was starting to creep down the nape of his neck and was surprised Gadreel hadn't given him the 'get a haircut already' glare yet.

The elevator let out its customary ding before the door opened and Kevin followed him down the hall. Kevin wrapped his arms around him without thinking as Cas fumbled with his keys. Cas flinched in his arms  but his free hand came down to stop Kevin from moving away.

"Sorry," Kevin whispered into his shoulder.

"Don't mind that much," Cas said, opening the door.

"Still.."

Kevin followed him inside and smiled at what Cas called a mess.

"You know," Kevin said. "This is about as clean as my apartment is after a full cleaning."

"You haven't known me that long. You should see what I did to Dean's place after we became friends."

"You mean you and Dean aren't-"

"Aren't?" Cas prompted.

"Well, I just assumed you were, that you two were exes honestly."

"Dean  and I- platonic soul mates perhaps. We are very close but our relationship has never been particularly physical."

"I shouldn't assume, I guess."

"Kevin?"

"Yes?"

"You're talking far too much."

Kevin smiled and stepped forward slowly, telegraphing all his moves. Cas  reached out, running his hand along Kevin's side, before hooking his arm around his waist and tugging  him closer. Kevin caught himself on Cas' shoulders, fingers balling the cloth of his t-shirt against his skin.

"Can I kiss you?" Kevin asked, breath brushing warm against Cas' neck.

"Please do."

Kevin's fingers were delicate, the tips tough with calluses brought from hours with a needle, and meant to endure pinpricks with regularity, and they were stroking along Cas' cheekbone and down through rough stubble. Cas obliged Kevin's intentions, leaning down to meet him.

Cas knew his lips were dry, as they always were after he had taken his makeup off. The pressure was pleasant, Kevin moved his lips gently, extending the kiss but not making a move to deepen it, his fingers moving back to rest at the back of Cas' neck. He pulled Kevin in closer, hand splaying along his back. Cas pulled back a little, enough to take stock of where he was in the room and led Kevin to the couch, falling back against it.

Kevin kicked his shoes off, waiting for Cas to get settled on the couch. Cas looked at him, lips rubbed red from stubble before gesturing him closer and tugging him onto his lap. Kevin  wedged a leg between the back of the couch and the other thrown over Cas' hips. Cas reached automatically to steady him, thumb digging into the dip of his hip.

There were warm hands along the sides of his head, Kevin leaning over to brace himself on the arm of the couch before resuming the kiss. It was hot, Cas wasn't sure how long they laid on the couch, trading  deep kisses, but he couldn't help but wonder if he had left the heat on when he had left that morning. Kevin pulled away for air, kissing down Cas' neck, sucking a dark mark into his collarbone. Cas groaned, bucking up, eyes flying open.

Kevin looked at him, rolling his hips and tugging him into a rough kiss, teeth clacking together loudly. Kevin tastes bitter, the remains of alcohol and cheese fries, but there's something beneath it, flowery and delicate, that Cas wants to chase.

Kevin's hands are sliding beneath his shirt  and there's a familiar sinking feeling in Cas' belly. His hips jerk up again, meeting Kevin and he's trapped beneath a too hot body. He flails out automatically, pushing Kevin back onto the couch.

"Off, get off."

Kevin is looking at him, eyes wide and full of hurt. He's running his hands through his disheveled hair and straightening his shirt and looking at Cas like he's waiting for an explanation. Even as he's gulping in shaking breaths, Cas still feels a twinge. He tells himself he doesn't owe him an explanation, just that he needed to stop, but then he reminds himself despite the physical draw there might be more worth exploring. Kevin may not run like so many others have.

"Cas?" Kevin is reaching for him, annoyance having drifted to concern.

"I'm fine. Fine," Cas snaps.

He stands, going to get a glass of water. If he's going to open his mouth he knows he can't be looking at Kevin when he does. Can't let his reactions to determine if he continues or not.

"Cas?" Kevin repeats.

"Just give me a moment."

Cas pours the water and chugs half of it in one go. He looks back at Kevin, who's still sitting on the couch, disheveled and so obviously puzzled. He takes a breath.

"I have a, I suppose you could call it a complicated relationship with sex, even more so with relationships. I suppose the easiest way to explain it is that it's only certain people at certain times and usually only after I've known them for a while."

Cas took another drink of water, and shuffled back to the couch, sitting as far from Kevin as he could manage.

"Shit, Cas I'm sorry. If I'd known I wouldn't have-"

"I know. And I should have said something before we, well I led you to believe we would have sex, and I don't think I can. I thought I could. I am attracted to you, Kevin, and I haven't been attracted to anyone in a very long time."

"I believe you. I like you Cas, a lot. I'm pretty sure I can wait, for as long as you need-"

"I can't promise that it would ever happen, never mind giving you a timetable."

"You have to do you, and I get that. I like you, like more than I should."

"But you'd like some time so you can decide if you can be with someone who may not be able to be with you physically."

"I think I already know what's going to happen, but just so I can make sure I'm thinking with my brain."

"I understand."

Kevin moved to stand before stopping himself.

"Can I kiss you goodbye?" he asked.

"Please."

Cas was surprised by how gentle it was, barely a graze of the lips, Kevin's hand firm on the side of his neck.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Cas said softly when he pulled away.

"Yeah, work. Have a good night, Cas."

Cas waited a few minutes before he went to lock the door He stood underneath a hot shower until his eyes grew heavy and he nearly fell asleep beneath the spray.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas went into work the next morning, a feeling of dread deep in the pit of his stomach. He knew he had no reason to be ashamed of the previous night but he knew from experience that it could get very awkward very quickly.

Cas went into work the next morning, a feeling of dread deep in the pit of his stomach. He knew he had no reason to be ashamed of the previous night but he knew from experience that it could get very awkward very quickly. He was almost certain things weren’t going to get weird with Kevin. He should’ve known that he couldn’t handle that much intimacy with someone he just met.  He had spent far too time trying to figure out exactly where his limits lay for that and he had gone and ignored his own carefully constructed timelines anyway.

He vowed not to get swept up in the moment again. Kevin had an uncanny ability to get him out of his own head, make him forget himself. He opened the door to the theater, cool air and the scent of drying paint washing over him. Benny was kneeling in front of a platform, painting over a series of scuffs that had apparently appeared overnight.

“Do I want to know?” Cas asked, stopping short.

“Lightbulb burned out. Managed to drop the light and scuffed the damn set. Figured I may as well touch everything up while the paint is out.”

“Good luck with that.”

“Oh Cas, Alfie wanted to talk to you when you got in so you might want to find him when you get a moment.”

“Thanks. By the way, have you seen Kevin anywhere?”

“He’s been runnin’ around like a chicken with its head cut off all morning. Sure he’ll turn up in your path eventually though.”

Cas let out a grunt of acknowledgement before going to search for Samandriel. Kevin nearly took him out he was moving so quickly, nearly hidden beneath a pile of fabric.

“Sorry, Cas. Can’t really see.”

“Not a problem. Do you need a hand? I wanted to talk to you and I can make myself useful.”

“No, no I’m good. Listen, I’ll catch you later.”

Cas watched him hurry off, disappearing into the costume loft, kicking the door shut behind him. The brush off wasn’t unexpected but it stung more than Cas thought it would. Kevin had, at least last night, seemed like he had genuinely wanted time to think about what Cas had said. He’d apparently had enough time to consider his option. Cas swallowed remembering what Kevin had said. No harm, no foul; just an experiment gone wrong, Cas repeated to himself, ignoring the way his heart throbbed at the thought of being nothing but professional.

“Cas,” Samandriel called. “Thank God I found you. I’ve been looking everywhere.”

Cas blinked in surprise, pulling himself back into the real world. He had a job he had to focus on, he remembered. It didn’t matter if he didn’t want to be professional.

“I just got in a few minutes ago. Benny just told me you were looking for me.” Cas shrugged, following Samandriel to the office and settling into one of the cushy chairs.

“Aaron bailed.”

It was so matter of fact it took a few minutes for Cas to catch up.

“I thought you had him contracted for the summer.”

“Yeah, so did we, but he was offered a role on a Broadway tour and well, you how it goes.”

“How exactly is this going to affect me?” Cas asked, the knot in his stomach tightening.

“If you haven’t given the teaching gig a formal yes yet we’d really appreciate if you’d stay on.” Samandriel couldn’t quite make eye contact when he said it.

“Alfie.”

“Yes, yes I know. It’s a great opportunity and you'll be back in the fall no matter what. You don’t want to be stuck here forever, and I get that Cas, I really do. You shouldn’t be, but it’d save us so much trouble.”

“I haven’t formally accepted the teaching position yet.” Cas sighed.

“Oh, good.”

“That doesn’t mean I won’t.”

“We might be able to up your pay, if you want.”

Samandriel was desperate and Cas knew the situation. The only reason he’d been granted the leave of absence in the first place was Aaron agreeing to come on. Still the thought of spending all summer with Kevin in very tight, very hot quarters, not to mention the hit his career would take if he backed out now when he had been so close to the opportunity was the closest thing to hell he could imagine.

“Let me think about it,” Cas finally said.

“That’s fair. Just, uh, don’t take too long.”

“As soon as I decide, you’ll know. I really don’t want to screw you over.”

Cas knew it was a lie; that if push came to shove he’d choose his career over the good of the company, but leaving his friends hanging didn’t seem to be possible either. He left the office, not sure if Samandriel had anything else to say. Dean and Charlie were running their big dance, ignoring the flickering lights as Benny worked. Jo was in the wing, stars in her eyes, as she watched her girlfriend be spun around. She caught Cas’ eye before taking stock of him and her brow furrowed in concern. Cas forced a smile he suspected did nothing to ease her mind before climbing up into the catwalk. He walked halfway across, stopping where he could see Dean and Charlie spinning and sat down, legs dangling over the edge, arms resting on the safety bars.

Cas knew he hadn’t been up there for very long, at least not long enough for anyone to notice his absence when Gadreel stopped to watch for a few minutes. Samandriel came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Gadreel’s waist and peering around to watch. Dean eventually took a break to grab some water and Benny must have decided to change the music. Charlie offered a hand to Jo, who met her halfway and Samandriel nudged Gadreel on stage a few seconds later. They danced around each other, a steady waltz, and Cas felt himself keeping time against the grating.

He couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to actually be down there with them, joining in on the fun instead of sitting in the rafters like some reverse Phantom. Not that the comparison was really that far off. He wasn’t awful looking but he couldn’t help but be glad he had people willing to overlook the more repugnant aspects of his personality. As if the universe itself was taunting him Kevin chose that moment to cross the stage, dodging the dancing couples with ease and grace, carrying a few dresses, no doubt with freshly reinforced seams. He knew what Kevin felt like beneath him, the warm contours of his body and imagined the way they would feel gliding across the floor.

He shook his head, trying to find the headspace he’d clung to so firmly yesterday. Of course, yesterday he hadn’t seen what Kevin could do with his hands, hadn’t seen him handle crisis with a calm he usually associated with Gadreel. He had needed a change for a while- it was why he had been considering the teaching position to begin with. Cas didn’t believe in love at first interaction, didn’t think it was possible, at least not for him. He supposed the fact that he was sitting in the catwalk brooding over the man negated any opinions on the subject he was entitled to. He could see Benny making his way out of the booth and figured it was probably time he went down and started to do his job.

“Come on, Cas. You’re an actor. Start pretending,” he muttered, standing up.

He didn’t care much as he hopped down from the third rung on the ladder, landing with a thump. Charlie looked over at him, eyes flickering with concern. He had every intention of heading straight to the dressing room and start getting ready ridiculously early. He was way too far into his head to have anything productive to say to anyone. Teaching in New York had to be better than this, or at least the potential of being able to avoid everything that had cropped up seemed better.

“Don’t know, little bird. He’s locked himself up there. Getting stuff done, I imagine,” Benny said.

Benny and Samandriel were tucked into a corner of the wings, unaware of Cas’ presence.

“Yeah, but Cas was cranky even before I talked to him earlier. You weren’t there last night. I think something happened and neither of them wants to talk about it. You know Cas as well as I do, how he can be-”

“Or maybe my personal life is none of your business,” Cas said.

Benny cringed, embarrassed at being caught. Cas could feel the way he’d carefully compartmentalized all the information he’d received today come falling down. The cool air of the theater seemed to heat up by twenty degrees.

“And honestly, Samandriel,” Cas emphasized his full name. “What we talked about this morning is private. It’s bad enough Chuck sent you to talk to me instead of telling me himself but if I wanted anyone else to know about my professional decisions I would tell them.

“I’m sorry, Cas. Talking about that with anyone else was out of line,” Samandriel said.

“He didn’t tell me anything, besides he wasn’t looking forward to talking to you this morning.”

Cas was aware of someone coming to stand behind him. He assumed it was Dean, ready to pull him away, but he ignored them, hands shaking with rage.

“And ‘how Cas gets?’ Do you think I don’t know just how unpleasant I can be? I can’t speak for Kevn, whatever’s eating at him, but stay out of my personal life. You aren’t part of it.”

“Cas,” Benny started.

Cas had already started to walk away but spun back around.

“And even if my personal life was your business, you still have no room to talk Benny. Everyone knows you’re in love with your little bird.”

Cas stalked off, pushing past a bewildered Gadreel. The likely damage of what he had said followed him into the dressing room. He didn’t care. At least there might be someone just as miserable as him

He slammed the dressing room door, thin wood rattling in its frame. He perched on a bench for a moment,waiting for his heart to settle back into his chest. He knew it was incredibly likely everyone had heard what he had said and that he had destroyed his own relationships, as well as others. There was always the chance Kevin hadn’t heard, but Kevin had his own reasons for avoiding him. He glanced at the clock and knew it was high time he started getting ready if he wanted to continue avoiding everyone until he couldn’t anymore. The door flying open as he pulled his shirt off sent that plan flying out the window.

“Haven’t you heard of goddamn knocking?” Cas snapped.

“Didn’t think I had to knock to get into my own dressing room.”

“Fuck off, Dean.”

“No can do. It’s tenser than a pair of bears in mating season out there. You want to tell me what’s so under your skin you threw Benny to the wolves?”

“Not particularly.”

“Wasn’t asking, Cas.”

“And I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“What happened with Kevin?” Dean asked.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing has had him locked in the loft since 6 am.”

“What Kevin does with his time is none of my concern.”

Cas tried to step around Dean, only to be caught by the shoulders.

“Like hell. Don’t make me ask again.”

“Dean, it’s none of your concern.”

“It is now.”

Dean held firm between him and the door.

“Tell me what’s going on,” Dean growled.

“Aaron backed out. Better opportunity came up so he decided to screw me over.”

Dean dropped him at the mention of his ex, and he pulled a hand over his face.

“Shit. Do you know what you’re going to do about New York yet?”

“Samandriel just told me when I got in. I haven’t had a lot of time,” Cas said.

“What about-”

“Dean you know my proclivity towards, I suppose not pushing romantic relationships, never mind sex. I may have decided it was a good idea to sleep with Kevin last night. Then changed my mind at the last minute.” Cas could feel his face heating up. Saying it out loud made it real.

“He didn’t.” Dean faltered, Cas could see the fear flash through his eyes, and knew what he meant.

“Nothing untoward happened Dean. He just explained he needed some time to think. He respected that I needed to take care of my own needs.”

“And now he won’t talk to you so you went to sulk in the rafters.”

There was a long beat of silence. Dean settled onto a bench. Cas stayed standing, t-shirt still in hand.

“I owe Benny an apology don’t I? Gadreel and Alfie too.”

“Probably. Gadreel and Alfie locked themselves in the office so you may want to let them duke it out first. Cas-”

“I know, Dean.”

“Give him time to think. He could just need it to make sure it is what he wants.”

“I, just yesterday, everything was under control. I knew exactly where I was headed and now everything is different.” Cas sat down with a sigh.

“Did they ask you to stay?”

“He said to let them know my decision, but he did imply it would be better, easier, if I turned down New York.”

“You’ve been talking about this job since October,” Dean said.

“Would it be stupid to stay for a man I just met?”

“Immeasurably. But only if you’re staying to pine.”

“I need him to talk to me. If he wants nothing to do with me, that makes the decision a lot easier.”

“You mean run away.”

“Well, yes.”

Cas could see Dean’s brain working, trying to decide what to say. He resisted the urge to lay his head down and nap until it all went away.

“Whatever you decide, I’ll be there, man. Just don’t leave because you think you aren’t welcome here just because you said something stupid,” Dean said.

“I’ll try to keep my head. But I still do want to be alone. If Kevin decides he wants this, I actually do have to make a decision.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been extended to 4 chapters to avoid a monster chapter to wrap things up.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas floated through the next two days of performances. The familiar music floated through his head and his body moved automatically, as it was trained to do. Samandriel went home sick yesterday and Gadreel hadn’t been seen all day. No one had said much more than a perfunctory hello, even Dean, though he had also brought coffee, so there was that gesture. When Cas went on stage for sound check he found himself doing it in the dark. He squinted, hissing in pain and making the speakers crackle when they turned back on, bright as they were during performances before he got offstage.

Kevin had been there, filling in as a stagehand as jobs got shuffled around  - with Gadreel gone tonight Cas knew it would likely be the same Dean was watching Cas out of the corner of his eye, pretending to pay attention to his make-up. Knowing Kevin would be in charge of his Act 2 quick change and that they would no longer be able to pointedly ignore each other made it hard enough to button his shirt with steady hands.

“You’re going to put an eye out with a mascara wand and we’re all going to make fun of you for it,” he finally said.

“Oh please. You’ll dote on me for weeks if that happened.” Still Dean turned to face the mirror, mouth open slightly as he focused.

“Ah yes. But still, there’s a shortage of perfect eyes in the world. It’d be a pity to damage yours.”

“Did you just? Come on, I’m not a princess.”

Dean pouted, turning to Cas, eyes wide. Cas laughed, pressing a kiss to the crown of Dean’s head before settling into his own make-up station. They finished getting ready in near silence, and startled when there was a knock on the door, long before Samandriel was supposed to come around for the next call.

“We’re decent,” Dean said.

The door cracked open slowly and Kevin slid inside, clutching two suits. The shiny gray one on the left made Dean’s eyes light up, Cas noted, before he took Kevin in. He looked exhausted, shadows dark under his eyes.

“I thought these might work better with the dresses in the final scene. If you hate them we can tweak.” Kevin trailed off.

“Just say the gray one is mine,” Dean said.

“Try it on. We’ll make any adjustments if things have changed from your last measurement.”

Dean took the suit, dancing behind the screen that been there longer than anyone, except perhaps Chuck. They were as alone as they could be, Dean very pointedly turned around.

“I take it the brown one is mine then,” Cas said after a long moment.

“What? Oh, yeah. Here.”

Kevin handed the suit over and Cas resisted the urge to brush their fingers together deliberately. It happened anyway and Cas tried to avoid eye contact.

“Cas, if you weren’t busy after the show, did you maybe want to meet up?”Kevin asked, voice near trembling.

“Of course.” Cas wished he would’ve hesitated.

“I’ll wait for you then.”

*****

After the show Cas found himself doing everything possible to avoid leaving. All of his costumes were meticulously folded and hung, he’d washed his face twice and organized his section of counter. There was nothing left to do but start spot cleaning the room itself and Cas was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to pull that off as anything but avoiding the inevitable. He sighed and pulled his coat on buttoning it and shutting the lights off behind him.

He’d taken long enough Samandriel had given up and gone home, forcing him to navigate through the pitch black theater. Part of him hoped Kevin had simply given up and gone home. He jumped when a hand landed on his arm in the lobby.

“Sorry,” Kevin said. “You just walked right by me. Alfie got tired of waiting so he left the keys with us.”

“Right. Sorry I took so long.”

“Nerves, I get it. I’ve been debating even saying anything but I also know you have, uh, decisions to make so I figured it’d be best to talk this out sooner rather than later.”

Cas’ stomach dropped in resignation. Kevin stopped to lock the door and Cas shifted his weight. They walked to the parking lot, too far apart to really be called walking together. They stopped at Kevin’s car, the long beat of uncertain silence stretching on and on.

“I know a diner, a few miles from here. I could really use some coffee,” Kevin said.

“Sure. I’ll, uh, just follow you then.”

Kevin agreed, getting into his car. It took three tries for Cas to get his keys in the ignition and the drive took twice as long as it should have, every light turning red and what had to be half the emergency vehicles in the city forcing them to pull over. Still by the time Cas was looking at Kevin across a table he was sure nowhere near enough time had passed.

“The burgers here are great,” Kevin said.

“Oh, uh, it’s Friday. Lent.”

“Sorry.”

“Didn’t know. Can we just do what we came here to do?”

Kevin looked put off for a second, and Cas could practically feel Dean’s elbow in his side, warning him to be polite.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Thanks.” Butterflies filled Cas’ stomach in spite of himself. Digest damnit.

“I thought about it. I thought about it a lot,” Kevin started. “Then I made two suits in a day in an attempt to not think about it. I’ve thought of every reason why we shouldn’t and I know you probably have a thousand more.”

Cas looked down into his coffee, forcing himself to loosen his grip on the ceramic. A flutter of hope.

“I might have thought of why we should, too,” Cas said, so quietly he almost couldn’t hear himself.

“What happened the other day wasn’t a moment I imagine you’re proud of. I can’t help but feel a little responsible- ignoring you the way I did wasn’t the best way to handle needing space.”

“Kevin, what I said to Benny and who I said it in front of had nothing to do with you. It was me trying to make someone else feel as shitty as I did. It’s unfortunate that it worked.”

“Is it fixable?”

“I have ideas but I also don’t want to interfere where I don’t belong.”

“That’s not really the point here is it?”

“No, I suppose not,” Cas said.

“My point was even after that, I’m still interested. I’m willing to wait for however long you need or if you never want to have sex, that’s fine.” Kevin wrapped his hand around his mug and took a long drink.

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. I mean, if you’re still interested.”

“I just- New York is a decision now.”

“Cas?”

“Yeah?”

“Was that a yes or a no?”

“It’s a yes.”

“Good. And you should go to New York. It’s not for a couple months anyway and you can’t turn down the opportunity just because you started seeing me.”

“You aren’t the only consideration. There’s a matter of finding my replacement for the summer show. I had an old friend of Dean’s lined up but he’s backed out.”

“How long do you have?”

“I’m telling them tomorrow that if we haven’t found someone in two weeks I’ll stay. I can’t leave them hanging high and dry can I?”

For a second Kevin looked like he might say yes. Cas wasn’t sure if he thought better of it or realized he didn’t actually have a lot of choice but he still appreciated the temporary silence. He reached across the table to twine their fingers together.

“Is this okay?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, definitely.”

The conversation came easier than Cas was used to. Kevin’s hand on his kept him grounded and he found himself noticing the way Kevin’s eyes lit up every time he laughed. Still the exhaustion from the last few days was weighing on him and even as engaged as he was he could feel the fog of sleep starting to creep over him.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go home if I’m going to be remotely functional tomorrow,” Cas said.

Kevin looked at his phone. “Shit, it’s after one.”

“Yeah, definitely have to go.”

“Are you okay to drive?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

They paid and Kevin reached for his hand as they headed to the parking lot. Cas was glad to let him take it. They stopped in front of his car.

“This is normally when I’d kiss my date good night so I’m not really sure.” Kevin looked at his shoes.

“Come here,” Cas said.

He pulled Kevin close, enveloping him in a hug. He hesitated for a second before dropping a kiss into Kevin’s hair before pulling back.

“Have a good night,” Cas said.

“You too. Let me know when you get home safe.”

“I can do that.”

*****

Cas felt good, despite his looming self-inflicted deadline. The effects of his temper tantrum still lingered and not for the first time he wished the consequences of his anger wouldn’t last so much longer than his temper.

Gadreel and Samandriel were perfectly professional to each other, which was the problem. On any normal day there would be a half dozen playful spats that ended in Gadreel reminding Samandriel just who was in charge at work. They moved together seamlessly, anticipating what the other would need. They asked politely, now, maintained a professional distance more suited to a particularly stuffy office. It was painful to watch and it was throwing everyone off. Benny for his part hadn’t left the booth any more than he had to, not even trying to hide the fact that he was hiding.

Kevin pulled Cas up to the loft, Cas went eagerly, almost forgetting his lunch. They ate in silence, staring at each other across the table. Kevin balled up the paper his sandwich had been wrapped in, waited patiently for Cas to finish his strawberries from the couch. When Cas joined him Kevin didn’t hesitate to curl up close. Cas tangled his fingers in Kevin’s hair.

“I feel awful. We’re curled up up here and Gadreel and Alfie are barely speaking.”

“It’s not your fault, Cas. I think you’re right - it’s not a thing you can fix.”

“It sort of is my fault. I can’t even get either of them alone long enough to apologize.”

“Then don’t apologize in private. I mean I know it’s not ideal, but I get the impression things aren’t normally this tense.”

“No, no they aren’t. Your arrival seems to have thrown everyone for a loop.”

“You’ll figure it out, Cas. I know you will. And apologizing, even if it’s not exactly how you’d like is probably the first steps in getting things back to normal.”

“I think you’re right.”

Cas risked a look down at Kevin, surprised to find him already looking up at him.

“I think I’d like to kiss you, if that’s alright,” Cas blurted.

“That is definitely alright.”

Cas’ hands were shaking when he moved to touch Kevin’s cheek, anticipation getting the better of him.  The tip of Kevin’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. Cas grinned, eyes flashing as watched, reminding himself he was in control of the moment. He leaned in, Kevin’s hand rested on his side. He hesitated less than an inch away from Kevin’s mouth, enjoying extending the the moment. When they finally did touch the kiss only lasted a few seconds, Cas’ rough lips on Kevin’s softer ones. He pulled away slowly, hand still covering Kevin’s cheek.

“We should head down,” Kevin said after a long moment. “They should be pulling back together soon.”

Cas agreed. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Kevin’s forehead, not ready to return yet. Kevin grabbed his hand though, tugging him down the stairs. Everyone was already settling in for the daily post-lunch meeting, Gadreel standing on stage, going over his notes with Samandriel, looking more at ease than he had in days. Cas really hoped Kevin was paying attention- he was far too absorbed in his own thoughts to actually know if Gadreel was saying anything important.

“So does anyone have anything to add?”

“If I could have a moment actually,” Cas said.

Gadreel visibly startled. Normally the question was met with a handful of awkward murmurs as everyone went to start their afternoon.

“Of course.”

“I just wanted to apologize for my behavior the pat few days. I took my personal frustrations out at work, on people I consider friends and it’s negatively affected everyone working on this show. It is not something that will happen again and I regret my actions, especially any personal distress they may have caused others.” Cas looked at Gadreel as he finished speaking.

Gadreel shifted uncomfortable and waved a hand to dismiss everyone. Cas sunk back into his chair.

“You’ve done all you can, Cas. There’s stuff going on you probably don’t know about.” Cas closed his eyes, squeezing Kevin’s hand.

“Thank you, Kevin.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always a huge thanks to my beta, winterswanderlust. And to iamtheprophet_chuck for being very patient and accepting her Christmas present 3 months late.


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